Rhiannon Rising Reiki
& Rising Light Hypnosis
Where my thoughts take flight.....
|Posted on July 30, 2018 at 4:25 PM||comments (10)|
You hear me talk a lot about unique flow and vibration. My passion is encouraging my clients to do whatever it takes to discover their unique expression and frequency and live out loud from that space. I wanted to share a story of what it looks like when you live your life from that space of knowing. I experience an extraordinary amount of synchronicity in my life. Sometimes I joke that I feel I am on a guided tour of my life. Ever since I awakened to the wisdom of my womb space I have experienced life from such a different perspective. I have been gifted the knowing that when I show up unapologetically me, that frequency creates an effortless flow of creation, prosperity, connection and abundance in my life. It seems at times that I have a magick touch that brings to me exactly what I need, want and desire.
I have a wonderful old Pontiac G6 that has served me well over the last 9 years. This was the 1st car I bought all on my own, without checking with my husband or my Dad about if this was the right car for me. I was very much in fear but did my best to navigate that fear and hoped I made the right choice. So I stuffed my fear and did what I had to do. In the end I did, we travelled over 230,000 miles together and she took very good care of me. But she was getting tired. Prior to leaving for Ireland this past February I heard an ad on the radio for a car dealer here on Cape Cod. Something about the simplicity and sincerity of this ad made me pay attention. I came home and said to my husband that when it was time for me to get a new car I wanted to buy from this dealer because for some reason my soul trusted the voice coming through the airwaves.
So, that conversation passed and off I went to Ireland with my bestie to visit “our” daughter Maya at Trinity College. A few nights into our trip we had Maya and her roommates over for dinner. I was enjoying getting to know them when her roommate says she is from Cape Cod, and we discover we live about 10 minutes from each other. We talk about some of the mutual things/people we know. She says you are just like my Mom, you probably know her…and goes on to tell me about her Mom, who is the “Kindness Rocks Lady” whom I am sure you know if you are a Cape Codder. Meghan Murphy started the Kindness Rocks Project (you can read more about her inspiration HERE ) and I had created my own rocks to add to her project and love coming across them on my walks. Like me, Meghan is a coach and meditation instructor who is passionate about empowering women to find their grace through her many offerings. My Mom had even just posted pics that day from back home of the Kindness Rocks she had found on her walk that day. So the synchronicities kept coming…..and then the BIG ONE….so then she randomly says she tried to call her Dad that day but forgot it was Presidents Day and couldn’t get a hold of him because he’s a “car guy”. So, my antenna goes up….”Car guy?” I say…She says “Yeah, he owns Falmouth Toyota. And today was a big day there” At this point I am flipping out because this is the exact car dealer whose ad I heard that I trusted! So, I begin to tell her my story of synchronicity and we make a plan that when she returns to the States she will bring me to meet her Dad.
Now why did she even feel the need to tell me that she couldn’t get a hold of her Dad that day? These are the moments I wish to speak of to you ….these are the moments of divine connection that once you begin to recognize them and the frequency they hold they begin to become a road map for the unfolding of your journey here. It’s just like following spiritual breadcrumbs.
Now I find myself a couple of weeks ago with a transmission that starts slipping and I know the time is now, it’s time to pull the trigger on a new car. I call Maggie and she puts me in touch with her Dad at Falmouth Toyota and I start the process. When I hit the lot there are only two used vehicles in my price range and one is off the lot and I won’t be able to see it for a few days, the other is a Toyota Prius which would not have been a car I would have thought to look at. So, I take a look and am starting to become intrigued but didn’t want to just buy the 1st car I like so I say I’d like to look at the other car before I make a decision and agree to come back on Monday. I start asking around and everyone I speak to who owns a Prius, raves about their car and how that’s all they drive, they’ve had 3 of them, they are the best car they’ve ever had…etc…. And on top of that everyone I tell that I am looking at Falmouth Toyota RAVES about them and what an honest, reliable and family dealer they are. They are even closed on Sundays so their employees can spend time with their families. I am feeling completely supported and divinely guided. I go back on Monday and the other car is still not back on the lot. I hemmed and hawed a moment but then feel strongly that it’s not back yet because I am supposed to go with the Prius! So, I did and it was a smooth, easy and effortless decision and purchase. I felt excited and supported throughout the whole process and feel I have gained an amazing new family at Falmouth Toyota and I will add myself to the huge list of people who will tell you that they are truly an honest dealer and a pleasure to work with.
The old me lived in such fear of making a big purchase and spending money, the old me would’ve assumed the dealer was going to screw her over, the old me didn’t think she deserved new and safe car. The old me wouldn’t have trusted that she could afford the payments. She would have sat in fear, held her breath and had an upset stomach through the entire process just wishing for it to be over, stuffing her discomfort.
The new me knows Her worth. She trusts that the Universe is here to support her because that is the frequency and vibration She chooses to live in, one that honors all I need and desire, one that is worthy of abundance and safety. I am finally in a place where I am witnessing the intention and the manifestation of what I positively put my energy into. I live from a space of being open and allowing instead of striving, forcing and pushing. I am in a beautiful dance with life, trusting the ebbs and flows, trusting the grace that got me here and doing all I can to maintain this vibration of creation while honoring the beautiful WomBan I Am.
So, that is what I speak of when I say let me help you find your unique flow, your unique vibration that just lets you drop into it and begin creating from a place of trust. It’s all about allowing the deprogramming of all the outdated beliefs and thought processes that keep you stuck in somebody else’s idea of what your flow should look like. It’s about letting go of what is no longer true for you and letting your life reveal its magick to you. Your Womb is a vessel for manifestation, it is the one place that is for you and you alone, to drop in and create from the primordial space of your deepest feminine wisdom.
If you are ready to embrace your unique expression and begin creating from this place of truth, please know I would be honored to be your guide. Reach out and ask me how clearing your Womb and aligning to your truth will set you free on every level. It has been the most profound awakening of my life and I look forward to sharing this wisdom with you.
|Posted on May 30, 2018 at 10:55 AM||comments (0)|
I Am child free.
This was a conscious choice I made.
I never heard the ticking of the clock they speak of.
Although I love & enjoy babies and children it never felt like something I wanted. And I was blessed with 2 parents who would have loved grandchildren but completely honored my choice and never pressured me into feeling like I had to give them any if it didn’t feel right. My husband also blessed me with a step son to help guide in some small way on his path.
I have other women tell me that they received so much backlash from friends, family and society about choosing not to have children, I never experienced that shaming… thank Goddess!
I wonder if it is because I was truly at peace with that decision and these other women were still attached to society/family/friends view of what they “should” do and so kind of had a little chip on their shoulder waiting to be challenged in their decision.
Either way, my current journey has made it abundantly clear why I chose the road I did.
In awakening to the wisdom that was dormant in my womb, the space I deemed unnecessary to explore because I wasn’t using it for its “purpose” of birthing a baby I slowly began to allow the awareness that my womb is a gift to me. A gift to birth whatever I want into this life of mine. Whether that is a child, a project, a feeling, a teaching, my feminine potential, or deep ancestral wisdom…..all of it is birthed through the sacredness of my temple body, my womb space. My womb is not a vast wasteland just because I chose not to birth a child, it is fertile ground to bring forth all the medicine I am meant to receive and share. All I needed to do was come home to myself and know....I Am Creator….
Because I am child free I have the time and the energy to “Mother” all those who need to gift of the divine nurturing mother within me. I am filled with love to share. I thrive on the energy of nurturing someone to see their own beauty. I am honored to be a sacred space holder for so many women who share with me their stories of loss, heartache, fear, success and awareness. I am grateful to witness them come home to themselves and see just what I see when I look at them, a whole woman doing the sacred work of deeply loving the uniqueness of their essence and beginning to trust the unique flow that is their own.
Now, if I'd had children I probably wouldn’t have had the time or the energy to be present for these women who need my Mothering. Lots of them didn’t even have a Mother in their own mother. In hearing their stories and helping them to heal they are in turn helping me to heal. Sharing our stories with other women is powerful medicine. When we join forces to support each other, uplift and hold space for one another, we amplify the energy of co-creation. Creating a world together in unity and Sisterhood. A world where we all thrive in self love and acceptance. A world where we don’t have to prove our worth, our worth is our sacred birthright.
And as if I was rewarded for honoring my sacred contract I received the gift of both worlds. Liz, my best friend of 42 years gave birth to a baby girl Maya 21 years ago. I have always said she is my daughter that was birthed through my best friend. So, I did have someone to pass on some of my wisdom too, someone to brag about and witness as she grew into herself. And she has grown into the most incredible woman, who shines so brightly from the inside out! In February I was lucky enough to take an epic trip with Liz to see Maya at Trinity College in Dublin and got to spend some true quality time getting to know Maya the woman…and you know what? She is alot like me. So maybe a little of my essence rubbed off. Maybe in some quantum time hop she is my girl. Liz has raised the most amazing children in Maya and her brother Casey. She is the essence of what a Mother is and should be. She is selfless and endlessly loving and the most supportive friend to her kids, her students, her family and to me. I am so grateful that I have had this witness to my life and that she gave me a gift I could never repay, she helped me to honor the Mother within myself.
Sheree & Tiny Maya 1998 ~ Sheree & Maya Dublin 2018 ~ Liz, Maya & Sheree Howth Ireland 2018
And this past weekend I was blessed to officiate the wedding of another young girl that I had the privilege to watch grow into a strong and resilient woman and mother, my friend Amy's beautiful daughter Meri.
So, I have lots of Mothering left to do and I am excited to see what's next!
Life doesn’t always give you what you thought you’d get but it always gives you what you need. Slow down and give yourself some space to listen to that small rhythm inside of you that is crying to be felt and magnified, owned and shared. Embrace what makes you different from everyone else....that is your magick!
Trust Your Flow…..Let’s do this!
If you are having trouble finding that unique vibe of yours reach out and ask me how I can help? I would be honored to be your guide.....
|Posted on May 2, 2018 at 3:25 PM||comments (2)|
I feel myself slipping into a deeper process, I've been becoming more of the woman I know I can be. I feel I had hit a plateau and allowed myself to get comfortable there because it felt safe but the WomBan within me is calling me to dive even deeper and explore even more of what I deserve, even more of what my heart and my womb are calling out for. A calling for connection, space, trust in the rhythm that flows from me freely when I don't stop it's flow with my fear or my old conditioned responses. So down the rabbit hole I go again and can't wait to share the wisdom that I know is waiting for me there.
I want to share a song that has really touched me during this process of unraveling all that I Am. "I Am Light" by India Arie (see video below) has helped me so much to step deeper into this process and give myself permission to remind myself that I Am light, that there is nothing that I need to do to accept that but breathe into it, soften into it and let it begin to breathe Me. I am not the stories that I tell myself, I am not the voice in my head, I know I am so much more than that and give myself permission to surrender and allow it to be revealed in it's own perfect time.
Are you feeling the call to go deeper? Reach out and ask me how I can help? I would be honored to be your guide.....
Put your hand over your precious, beautiful heart and give yourself permission
to take these words deep into the heart of you....YOU ARE LIGHT
|Posted on April 2, 2018 at 4:45 PM||comments (2)|
After returning from Ireland at the end of February I was feeling very internal and not wanting to rush back to my everyday life. I wanted to stay quiet and retain some of the magick of the Emerald Isle and my pilgrimage for myself before engaging with the world. I loved all that was being awakened in me by returning to the land of my ancestors. I can still feel a deepening of the process, I do feel different but couldn't begin to articulate why. It is a feeling, a knowing...of the layers being removed and the inner healing that is still occurring even as I write this. Inner Alchemy always at work, always in a new state of BeComing.
Then March 1st rolls around and I find myself completely resistant to scheduling any more classes and creating a monthly newsletter, that takes me alot of time, and who knows if anyone even reads newsletters anymore.
So, please, for those of you who still hear that "other" voice, keep going, keep loving, keep crying, keep trusting, and never give up on yourself and your ability to heal, to love, to overcome the conditioning of unworthiness that has been piled on you....and keep revealing your beautiful self, layer by messy layer.....Get real, get vulnerable, get soft......And know that I am here holding space for your Soul Making.
So this is how I am choosing to flow right now.....if you are still on this journey with me I am grateful, as we have so much to learn from one another. As always I thank you for your presence on my path.
So, I am choosing to share my monthly offerings below in a simpler format as I listen to what needs to birth through me and what is important to share.
I would love to hear from some of you, is anyone else feeling the need to simplify and go deeper within?
|Posted on March 15, 2018 at 1:25 PM||comments (2)|
All the time you spend thinking you are stuck or not growing or"getting it" you're inner temple, the inner you, is in the process of Becoming. What I know for sure is that inner alchemy is always occurring behind the scenes of what our ego's keeping try to feed us...so take some time, and give yourself some space to allow the reveal of your transformation. Trust that every moment, every breath is dreaming you into who you are meant to Be. Enjoy the journey~!
|Posted on January 1, 2018 at 2:25 PM||comments (1)|
As you close out 2017 and reflect back upon your year, what emotions arise in you? Was it a challenging year for you? Was it a year of growth and change? Was it the year you finally chose you? Maybe it was a year filled with blessings! What's true is...that no matter what your year held, it was perfect for the evolution of your soul, yes, even the challenging times...actually especially because of those challenging times. It is the storms of our life that help us to grow the most and understand ourselves on a deeper level.
I am closing out the first entire year that I put myself FIRST! I cannot tell you how good that feels and all of the blessings in my life that manifested because I did. All of the fears I had around putting myself first never manifested at all and I was met with a supportive energy of growth, prosperity and creativity. The most amazing people were drawn into my orbit and I finally, after 47 years rotating the Sun, feel like ME! The Me that I knew was underneath all the fear all along, the Me that was hiding behind unworthiness and insecurity, The Me that deserves to show her beautiful face to the world in confident, vulnerable acceptance of Self!
So, I encourage you to sit down and reflect on last year and ask yourself...
What do you wish to bring with you into 2018?
What is important that you leave behind?
What feeling do you desire to embody this year?
How can you add more self care into your life?
I ask you to give your ALL to 2018! Don't continue to blindly believe the false conditioning of your upbringing, our culture and the media. Make a choice to think outside the realms of your conditioning and explore your desires. Take a chance on you and move in the direction of your dreams. Have the courage to allow what needs to leave your life to go and welcome what wants to enter with open arms and an excited heart. Get off of the hamster wheel of your fears and take a chance on getting excited about life, explore every folding corner of your mind and say YES to new adventures. I leave you with a video of one of my favorite Ryan Montbleau songs & one of my favorite lyrics....
I’m toeing the line on the border
Of what’s good and what’s insane
Toeing the line testing every folded corner of my brain
And if I want too much of life
My heart will understand
That I’m making the most
Of this great big grain of sand
Watch the video https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=90jw039PXmo
|Posted on November 30, 2017 at 3:05 PM||comments (2)|
I don’t know about you but I am becoming increasingly more uncomfortable with the prickly climate of our world these days. I trust that this is a process we need as a culture to bring the imbalances to light so we can transmute and transform the low vibration of humanity. I know that this is the falling of the patriarchy and the beginning of a balanced masculine and feminine energy model. If this is to happen, we need to address and transmute the lower masculine and lower feminine energies within our own selves so we can add to the shift of the collective in a positive way.
I am finding silence and inner contemplation a daily and sometimes hourly requirement. I have to withdraw from social media and limit my time around people who are desperately trying to hold on to that familiar low vibration and spend their time trying to convince me to do the same. On social media, people seem to have made it their personal goal & full time job to police other people’s behavior and beliefs instead of focusing on themselves and how they can heal and live as a better example. So, that is what I am choosing to do. I am going within to recognize all of the places that I am triggered by the energy of this climate and heal those parts of myself so I can raise my vibration and reside in a space of peace. Are there days when I get sucked in and just want to rant about all of the negativity, ugliness, sexual misconduct, lies, fears, hatred , racism and separation that I see? Yes.…but if I do that I am only adding to the same energy that upsets me which is only keeping it in motion and feeding the problem and keeping me in the lower vibration of fear and anger.
We have all been conditioned since the day we came out of our mother’s womb by our family, our culture, our society, the media, church, etc…
Do you even know how you really feel about anything?
Or do you blindly follow the masses because it is easier than self exploration?
Do you even know what YOUR truth is?
As we begin the Winter months of reflection- like Kali, Demeter, Persephone, Isis and Inanna it is time to journey to the Underworld to heal and allow your beautiful re-birth. It is time to unplug and go within to shed that cultural conditioning, tune in to YOUR truth, bring yourself back into balance and step into the unique rhythm of the life you were meant to live. Disrobing yourself of all in-authenticity and diving into your genuine, unique expression and sharing it with the world. You are the one you have been waiting for…..
|Posted on September 30, 2017 at 5:40 PM||comments (1)|
How often do you stop and listen to the inner chatter of your mind?
Really slow down, get quiet and pay attention to the language going on in the background of your day to day thoughts?
When I chose to finally do this several years ago, I was mortified at the constant loop of judgement and anger that I found there! These background thoughts hold the key to profound healing and transformation for you. These are the things you need to bring out into the light and explore them so you can transform them into healing, forgiveness, and self love. Your thoughts and words are so powerful, they are laying the bricks of the path of your life. If you focus on feeling loved, supported, open, trusting, vulnerable and strong-that is what your road will look like. If you focus on lack, fear, unworthiness, perfection, pain, anger, betrayal- that is what your road will look like. See? Your thoughts and words are truly creating your reality and your perception of everything around you. You draw to you the experiences that match the vibration of your thoughts, so if your thoughts tend to focus on the negative than you will see and experience more of that, if you shift your thoughts to focus on the positive then you will see and experience more of that.
I am walking, breathing proof of this truth! When I consciously worked on shifting my perception to see more of the light, love, positivity, kindness and support around me and started believing I was worthy of that kind of energy around me my life changed dramatically. The deeper I allowed this process and allowed true vulnerability, gave up striving for perfection, took off my good girl mask- everything started to become clear to me. I started noticing where I was the reason for struggle in my life. I received clarity of where my conditioned beliefs were crippling me from moving forward and stepping out of the hamster wheel of my thoughts and actions. I was terrified of change but I despised where I was and I felt completely helpless to move or change. I felt imprisoned by my own behaviour. So....one breath at a time I stayed present with my thoughts and worked at shifting them, I stopped the self deprecating "humor" ("let me point out my flaws first so you know I am aware of them"), I affirmed what I wanted and not what I feared, I stopped tuning into other peoples negativity and drama. I stopped perpetuating beliefs that were spoon fed to me all of my life and I slowly began to affirm that I am a being of love who is worthy and deserving of whatever beautiful thing I put my energy into. I started to trust & allow the unique flow and rhythm of MY life and let it reveal itself to me...and I was met with more peace, grace, trust, abundance and beauty than I knew was available to me.
One thing that helped me more than anything in shifting out of old thoughts and behaviours was unplugging from the media, the news and other people who wanted to keep me in that loop- because so many people love to share and commiserate about bad news, drama & trauma. Getting sucked into Facebook was another trap, because I found that sometimes Facebook became a forum for everyone's misguided anger- people policing other peoples opinions, bullying people into hearing their opinions, bashing what they hate (which is actually putting energy into exactly what you are protesting about)...it goes on and on, a negative energy loop feeding itself. I found that in just reading these things I was engaging in that same energy and low vibration and began to feel depleted. I encourage you to take a scroll through your own Facebook page with fresh eyes and pay attention to what you are sharing and engaging in to see if you are putting energy into the things you want to create in your life or things that you don't want.
So, I take power where I can- I filter whose posts I see, I scroll by and do not respond to things of a lower vibration and try and share what I love and let my posts be uplifting and positive. I see people posting sarcastic memes bashing something they're against in the name of "humor" all the time, but you know what? When you truly understand the power of your thoughts, words and energy, there is nothing funny about it. Are there times when I want to go on a rant because of something that upsets me, of course- but I stop, breathe and choose not to engage my precious energy into what I don't want.
So, this month "tune out" and "tune in" to yourself.
|Posted on September 5, 2017 at 11:20 AM||comments (0)|
Each month I choose a different Goddess to work with and bring through at my monthly "Goddess Blessing" events....or I could say She chooses me. At the beginning of the year I decided to choose a Goddess Card monthly from Jo Jayson's deck The Sacred Feminine Guidance Cards and her incredible book Self Love Through the Sacred Feminine. I thought this was perfect because there are 13 cards in the deck and it would take us through an entire year of journeying together and embracing the Goddess wisdom that is coming through so powerfully right now asking us to love and accept our Goddess selves. From the first card I pulled in January, Grandmother Spider, they have all been divinely perfect for exactly the energy that was needed that month. Mary Magdalene chose to come through in July and two of my events were scheduled for the same week, synchronistically aligning with Her Feast Day that I was unaware of and one of the woman at that months event had just returned from France for her 60th birthday celebration where she chose to visit all the sacred Magdalene sites. As the year unfolded it became clear that the Goddess was with us and showing up in perfect time with the perfect wisdom and gifts to guide us and support us through the many deep shifts we have experienced this year. We have moved through some intense Moon energy, a powerful eclipse season, the Lionsgate portal and all the while a chaotic shifting human experience unfolding all around us. The common thread through the moon messages each month and the astrological events was a clearing, a surrender, a letting go of ALL that no longer serves you and your unique path and purpose. So, as we entered August, the most powerful month this year with the eclipse energy, the Goddess who stepped forward and chose to guide us through was Kali Ma. Kali is the Goddess of life, death, destruction, transformation, endings and beginnings. She is the embodiment of Mother Nature. I admit I have avoided working with Kali, her power frightened me. But this time, I feel stronger, I welcome my shadow aspects and am excited to shed layer after layer of what has held me back for so long. So, daily I began lighting a devotional candle to Kali and offering Her a cup of water while chanting her chant, "Om Klim Kalika Yei Namaha" , and offering up my prayers, intentions, trust, and gratitude.
What I discovered in Kali was not something to be feared but a loving Mother, a Mother who would take from me what was dangerous to my soul, just as a protective and loving Mother would snatch scissors away from a child to keep them safe. I had completely misunderstood Kali all these years, I was afraid to let go of what I thought I needed to feel safe and whole. Since embracing vulnerability and trusting my path I do not fear what needs to leave my vibration to make room for the beauty already on its way.
I asked Kali in my daily prayers for a sign that she was with me and she continued to place undeniable signs on my path. And then in an organic turn of events on a fun day out with my Mom I find myself finally at Buddhas and Beads a place I have been trying to check out for a very long time. As I come around the corner what do I find....? A statue of Kali right at my feet! I have never seen a statue of Kali, I have seen Buddha, Kwan Yin etc... but never Kali! She found me and now she graces my Goddess garden where I can continue my devotion as I keep allowing the layers to peel away and bring even more clarity to my unique path and purpose.
I ask you this month to have the courage to let go and allow the unique and natural rhythm of your life to reveal itself to you. Explore where you have been following someone else's ideas of what is best for you and tune in to listen to your unique vibration and trust that. I can promise you from the other side of fear, it is worth it and completely necessary as we step into the new energy and awareness that is being offered to us.
|Posted on August 4, 2017 at 10:40 AM||comments (3)|
This past weekend I had the gift of escorting one of my dearest friends to NYC for her 50th birthday celebration! Her husband sent us to the Classic East, a two day concert at Citi Field with our favorite band, Fleetwood Mac the headliners to close the weekend. To say I feel grateful would be a huge understatement. We had such an amazing time, singing, dancing and walking all around the city in our down time.
This weekend was a huge barometer as to just how much this Womb awareness work has healed, shifted and strengthened me. See, I’ve never let my anxiety really stop me from doing anything, I’ve had some truly amazing life experiences, but it did stop me from doing these things peacefully and fully enjoying my experiences. What I noticed in reflecting on this weekend is that I did not have an ounce of anxiety. I never focused on all the things that could go wrong and instead knew no matter what happened I would handle it in a state of presence. Which allowed me to just go with the flow of my personal experience…..and I felt so peaceful in my body as each unique experience unfolded. I drove into the city and trusted that all would unfold perfectly. I felt completely safe and at ease. I never worried what was going on at home and stayed present and enjoyed every moment. I met strangers who became fast friends. I engaged with life and allowed life to love me back.
This is what this womb work is about…being grounded and present in your own powerful feminine essence, into the deep feminine wisdom that resides in you. As women most of us look outside ourselves for validation, for answers, for our truth and never acknowledge that everything you need to know is within you. When you root yourself to your own womb space & allow yourself to drop in to your own unique rhythm & completely trust that rhythm to guide you, you begin to experience a resistance free existence where your mind is open to everything and attached to nothing. You begin to understand that worry continually creates exactly what you don’t want.
As this realization of the shift that has taken place within me hit me, I felt so light, so free, so grateful. I worked really hard to get to this place. To a place where I can take full deep breaths, where I can soften into myself, where I can trust….myself, my life, the universe…..
Tom Petty said it best....
“Most things I worry about never happen anyway…”